Tonight as I was thumbing through the pages of the Psalms on my way to the passage that was part of my Bible study for the evening, I stumbled upon this verse which I had underlined in green pen.
“’Lord, help!’ they cried in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress.”
(Psalm 107:19, NIV)
Next to the verse was a note I had written dated August 31, 2006.
“Help me through this rough spot, Lord. Let me live again with my children! Amen”
My tears flowed for a moment as I relived those feelings from two years ago. But, as quickly as the emotion flooded over me it subsided as I acknowledged how many awesome changes God has created in my life since that time. And I stopped to thank him.
In May of that year we sold our home due to the dissolution of my second marriage. I faced bleak financial circumstances and my only option was to move in with my parents. Because the living space would not allow the addition of three people, I left my two teenage children to live full-time with their father (my first husband) back in our hometown…30 minutes away. I went from seeing them on a monthly rotation to seeing them only when they could make the trip my way. The empty nest arrived too early.
Yet summer provided a few opportunities to see them for a week at a time and even entire weekends. But with the end of summer came the return of school and our time was cut down to Sunday visits when they would come for church and stay the day. It was this time of anguish over a mother’s separation from her children that spawned the note—and my cries out to God to relieve the pain.
Today my daughter is in her second year of college and my son is a junior in high school. The pain has subsided and we have fallen into a routine that works for all of us. Both of my kids are independently mobile and I see them more than I ever though possible.
Even though there is a record in my journal of the road I have traveled, I am reminded of the importance of making those notes in my Bible. For, I am more consistent with my Bible reading than I am with my journaling these days and the notes next to particular verses are something I will see on a daily basis—reminding me of God’s journey for me.
Those notes are like glancing in the rearview mirror of my past--reminding me of where I have been but teaching me to look forward as I realize how far I have to go.
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