WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BAD FEELING?

"You have wearied the Lord with your words." Malachi 2:17

Has your emotion ever deceived you into thinking you have repented?

As a woman, I feel more alive if I hold an emotional attachment. It doesn't matter what it is. I just know it feels good to feel. Abiding in the psyche of anguish, depression, broken-heartedness, despondency, or grief can create an emotional repentance. It is here I have found myself weeping before God yet doing nothing about my self-made prison.

There was a time in my life where I went through the motions of going to church, going to Bible study, doing Christian things, yet, feeling a sadness about the chasm between me and God. I was doing nothing to change my heart or my circumstances and yet I found myself flooding the altar with tears of repentance asking God why things haven't changed....why I feel defeated.

The brief moment of brokenness created a cycle of dependency upon the emotion without changing my behavior. This pattern revealed itself to me as I stood in my small-town church one Sunday and experienced the joyless faces that surrounded mirroring my own soul. As I left the church that day, I vowed to seek a place where true brokenness was embraced and growth was expected.

Over the past three years, that is exactly what I have found. And out of the community of true brokenness, I have u-turned and left my favorite bad feeling at the altar for God to deal with.